Monday, August 08, 2005

Jaggi - the unending song...


As I try to describe my relationship with Jaggi , I feel I am trying to do the impossible or something very difficult.

I first got introduced to Him in Chennai, when I saw a poster for His Satsang at Marina beach. Then later, I saw a photo of His in a journal called 'Forest Flower', which is a publication from Isha. What struck me so much was that for a moment, he looked just like Osho. Osho is a Master, without whom I would not be where I am now. In many ways, I think it is Osho who led me to Jaggi. The words under Jaggi's photo read (not verbatim, but the meaning is intact) "Those who can sit with me for just a moment totally, would be transformed". I had a strong intuitive flash that time, that He was a true Master. So I made a decision to attend the Satsang at Marina beach.

The Satsang was beautiful, and the biggest surprise for me was that it hosted 100,000 people - which is a staggering number. Much of what he discussed, I had read before, but it sort of was a confirmation that he was a true Master. One aspect which scared me most was not to fall into people who claim to be Masters, but just come from theory. Another staggering achievement was that He made us all meditate for ten minutes. Just come to think of it, one hundred thousand people meditating by the seaside - what sort of an energy impact it must have created.

That was my next introduction. Thereby, I decided to enroll in the Yoga program designed by Jaggi (I refer to him as Jaggi all the time, but when I speak with Him, I always address him as 'Master') - called Isha Yoga. By coincidence, Isha Yoga was conducted at our office, and I completed the thirteen day program. That was two years ago (Feb 2003), and I still continue my practices. At this point (Aug 2005), I cannot be without these practices. Missing just one day's practice shows up on my body. At times I wonder if these practices created a dependency on them, or if they have elevated my body's energy systems so much, that the pain is caused by the drop caused by the miss. I think it is the latter.

In the mean time, I read a few books by Jaggi - one of them was 'Encounter the Enlightened' and the other was "Mystic's Musings". Both books were scary and fascinating. Read them yourself and come to your own conclusions. The real kicker was a program called Bhava Spandana which I attended at Clayton, GA. I have no way of writing even a summary about this. Just after the program, I wrote a twenty page document describing my experience, which I cannot disclose here because of a confidentiality agreement signed with Isha. I can tell you that it was fire - literal fire in terms of intensity. I wrote three poems, out of my experience with Jaggi and BSP, and you can read them using the following links.

http://deepakktrenewal.blogspot.com/2004/12/dilemma-of-seeker.html
http://deepakktrenewal.blogspot.com/2004/12/dilemma-of-master.html
http://deepakktrenewal.blogspot.com/2005/01/bhava-spandana.html

That program changed my Life, literally. Nothing is ever the same again after that - but mainly - the respect I had for Jaggi towered to new heights I can never describe. I would describe Osho and Jaggi to be my two eyes, and I wonder how I ever saw the world before both of them.

At this point of my Life (7th Aug 2005), I don't know what lies in store for me for the future. I am just grateful that I have a living Master to guide me. A greedy part within me just wishes that he says for a long time here, for me, and for the rest of the world to guide us to light. As I see the change he has created across the lives of thousands of people (literally, this is not just a fancy expression), it makes me shudder. The intensity and the compassion of this Man some times brings tears to my eyes. It some times makes me guilty, because I sense that I can live my Life with a lot more intensity than what I am manifesting right now.

I will end this note with a cliche that I have repeated many times, well realizing that it is an insufficient expression for what He has done to me - 'Thank you Master'.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Pain

The pain is unbearable,
I try to close out and
escape - and suffer
I try to embrace
and it makes me want to cry
There are two doors to take
and now I can take neither,
The courage to embrace is
what I choose,
The endurance to sustain
is what I ask you,
A promise of a new dawn,
Show me through the endless night
I would rather be burnt,
than die a coward
Hold my hand and walk me
through the fire,
Should I see the dawn
of a new day,
I no longer
choose mediocrity,
A flowing river,
I choose to be

Pain

The pain gnaws at my heart
like a dagger

Like the fetus in a womb,
I would like to cave in

And disappear like a
speck in the wind

Too intense the fire,
makes me want to cry

A child I am - helpless
as the pain takes it's toll

"Do I want it different?" - I ask
and I say nay all the time

Bring me back Here and Now,
as I try to escape

Burn me as I am - intensify
the fire if I fall asleep,

Destroy all that holds me back,
in your flames

Make me born anew, in the
same mold as You are

Thursday, August 04, 2005

A slice of cake

A slice of cake (Scene is set sometime during 97/98)


Raj:
Dei, time for me to leave. I better start.

Sridhar:
Can you stay for some more time?

Raj:
No da, my dad asked me to be home by about 7, so I'll start. Can you tell your mother?

Sridhar:
Why don't you tell her yourself?

(They walk to the kitchen)

Sridhar:
Mummy, Raj is leaving – wants to say bye.

Sridhar’s Mother:
Raj, want to stay for dinner?

Raj:
No aunty. Will stay some other time. See you aunty....

Sridhar’s Mother:
OK.

Sridhar:
Dei, I'll walk with you to the bus stop da. Your slippers are upstairs.

(They start towards the bus stop)

Raj:
Completed EC assignment for tomorrow?

Sridhar:
We'll copy from Viju or Sandy tomorrow morning.

Raj:
How is your syllabus going? In track or only during exam time?

Sridhar:
What question... You know the answer!!

Raj:
There is a test on control systems tomorrow after lunch. Know anything?

Sridhar:
Can you study? I'll copy from you tomorrow. I'll return the favor some other day. (smiles)

Raj:
No da, not in mood today. We'll see – Sandy should study and come.

Sridhar:
Yeah, but he is in lot of demand. We won't get a place near him.

Raj:
We'll manage da. It's only a class test.

(They are at the bus stop)

Sridhar:
Looks like there is going to be a lot of crowd.

(First 23C passes – it's packed)

Sridhar:
You're not getting in?

Raj:
Too much crowd man – not in mood to travel like this.

Sridhar:
It's only 15 minutes...

Raj:
No da. I'll see for the next one.

Sridhar:
All buses will be like this... Hey here's a thought, what if we walk to Egmore. In mood?

Raj:
Hmmm, yeah.

Sridhar:
So much for your dad's request (laughs)

Raj:
Yeaah. I'll cook up something. Let's walk.

Sridhar:
You want to leave your bag at my house?

Raj:
No it's OK

Sridhar:
OK, since we're walking anyway – how about a small detour. There's a juice shop nearby.

Raj:
OK.

Sridhar:
So tell me, what plans once you reach home?

Raj:
Either TV... My sister might be home today. If she's there will chat with her. Dinner and sleep. What about you?

Sridhar:
There is this book I started....

Raj:
If you tell me it's by Osho, we can change the topic.

Sridhar:
Let's change the topic.

(both of them laugh)

Raj:
What do you find in his books anyway?

Sridhar:
It's difficult to explain. You like listening to music right?

Raj:
Yeah...

Sridhar:
Why?

Raj:
It is peaceful... Some times I just want something peppy.

Sridhar:
My answer is the first one. You refuse even to try one book...

Raj:
Mind-set, may be in future. Philosophy is not my kind of subject. This street is bad da...

Sridhar:
There is a public toilet a little farther down. But I've seen it, it's never cleaned.

Raj:
Why is our Government like this?

Sridhar:
Big question – do we need that debate now?

Raj:
OK fine, what's first period tomorrow?

Sridhar:
EEE.

Raj:
What do you think about our new maam?

Sridhar:
Whoa! I am NOT discussing that...

Raj:
I asked what you think about her teaching...

Sridhar:
(looking suspiciously at Raj) Well, she studies what she's going to teach well. But I feel she's using a forced accent...

Raj:
YES. I thought the same. Even Viju was telling the same thing. Guess she's a little nervous – she's replacing an experienced teacher.

(near the juice shop)

Sridhar:
Look at that cycle guy na – driving in the wrong direction.

Raj:
I do that sometimes (sheepish grin). Makes things easy...

Sridhar:
Yeah for you. For our traffic volume it creates a mess. Use the correct side da.

Raj:
I mostly do. Only when I am feel a little lazy...

Shopkeeper:
What are you ordering sir?

(flipping through the menu)

Sridhar:
You want to try the strawberry shake? It's good da...

Raj:
Sixty five bucks man.

Sridhar:
It's ok.

Raj:
Who's paying?

Sridhar:
(very grave face) Two sweet lime...

Shopkeeper:
(suppressed chuckle) Yes sir

Sridhar:
Can you give us in a parcel container?

Shopkeeper:
Will be three rupees more.

Sridhar:
That's ok.

(they pay up and start walking)

Raj:
This shop makes good juice man...

Sridhar:
Yeah, I know. Whenever I walk, I walk by this shop and pickup one...

Raj:
How frequently do you walk?

Sridhar:
Almost daily....

Raj:
How far?

Sridhar:
2-3 kms...

Raj:
DAILY?

Sridhar:
Yeah.

Raj:
You're not even overweight man... Be careful, you'll start flying if there is a heavy gust of wind.

Sridhar:
Very funny – I just like walking without any agenda...

Raj:
Yeah, sometimes I do that – but daily is a little too much for me.

Sridhar:
Hey, drop it in the waste paper basket...

Raj:
Ok ok...

Sridhar:
Did you look at that girl? She's pretty na.

Raj:
OK, let's get this over with. You take a good look around, and tell me one girl who's NOT pretty.

Sridhar:
Beauty is perception no? (overflowing smile)

Raj:
You don't seem to have any perception. How is that all girls look pretty to you?

Sridhar:
Don't know, just can't seem to say that about anyone...

Raj:
I don't think we can cross this road now...

Sridhar:
There's a subway about 100 meters away.

Raj:
So tell me one actress who is not pretty by your perception?

Sridhar:
Isha (Gopikar) is chanceless no? Did you listen to Kathal Kavithai? Mottai is too much...

Raj:
Yeah. Hasn't settled yet. Should listen to it a few more times...

Sridhar:
Orchestration is different for this movie. Have you noticed?

Raj:
Do you have to talk in such detail every time?

Sridhar:
Can't help it... It's interesting.

Raj:
How is it that we have such varying tastes, and yet we manage to be friends?

Sridhar:
I've wondered about this. May be it's something you can't explain...

Raj:
Dei, this lake is bad da. It's rock barren.

Sridhar:
I know. Several years back, I remember driving through this bridge with my dad, and it used to be full. There's nothing feeding this lake now, and you don't have to ask about our summer heat. Makes me scared thinking about water supply a few years from now.

Raj:
What about sea water desalination?

Sridhar:
They do that in our dad's ship when they sail. My dad tells me it's a very expensive deal.

Raj:
What if we do in bulk? Like for a city like Madras?

Sridhar:
Not sure... But that would cover only the coastal areas. What about interior Tamil Nadu?

Raj:
Hmmm. Guess we're over-populated no?

Sridhar:
WAY over populated. The crowd makes cricket matches thrilling though. You're following the triseries at Australia?

Raj:
Sometimes. Not in mood if India isn't playing. Will read from Hindu...

Sridhar:
I need to watch it tomorrow morning.

Raj:
OH, Lara right?

Sridhar:
Yeah (big grin)

Raj:
He's in bad form for the series da...

Sridhar:
I know.

Raj:
Did you see how he was searching for the ball when Zahid was bowling?

Sridhar:
Hey, it's just a bad patch. Stop mocking...

Raj:
He was looking at Zahid, only later did he realize that the ball was with the wicketkeeper.

Sridhar:
Stop it... I know you like him too.

Raj:
Yeah, when compared to Sachin....

Sridhar:
THEN DON'T COMPARE.

(they walk in silence for sometime)

Raj:
Peanuts?

Sridhar:
No... not in mood.

Raj:
OK, sorry da. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Sridhar:
We've reached Egmore... now what? You want me to come in? I should buy a platform ticket...

Raj:
Come in no?

Sridhar:
Tell you what – in mood to walk more?

Raj:
May be...

Sridhar:
How about we go to Chetpet station?

Raj:
I can't believe I am going to say yes.

Sridhar:
I can carry your bag for sometime...

Raj:
No, it's ok. I am going to eat a lot tonight. (smile)

Sridhar:
Me too.

Raj:
What three idlis?

Sridhar:
Very funny.

Raj:
How about a movie this weekend?

Sridhar:
Which one?

Raj:
No English ones. You pick...

Sridhar:
Housefull?

Raj:
What Mottai's BGM?

Sridhar:
Yeah. It's in DTS as well. Want me to book tickets?

Raj:
Check with Karthik and Parupps as well.

Sridhar:
I'll book man... I'll just tell them.

Raj:
OK.

Sridhar:
You know there are no songs in this movie?

Raj:
We'll watch on Saturday man. Don't get all excited now itself.

Sridhar:
OK Saturday it is. Hey, she's pretty no?

Raj:
No comments... (forced indifference)

Sridhar:
(chuckles) What train tomorrow?

Raj:
Not sure...

Sridhar:
Dei, plan to catch Rameswaram Passenger da. Others are crowded. Shall we cut class after lunch tomorrow?

Raj:
What about control systems test?

Sridhar:
Oh... that guy is cranky... So 4:30 only?

Raj:
Unless we manage to sneak out after the fifth period.

Sridhar:
That's tough. I'll manage to sleep.

Raj:
(sarcasm) Yeah, you'll.

Sridhar:
No man, nowadays staying awake the last three periods is very difficult.

Raj:
Unless...

Sridhar:
Unless what?

Raj:
You can think of some excuse for skipping the test…

Sridhar:
Naah… Forget it.

Raj:
Have you noticed… when you walk for long periods, it feels like you can walk longer…

Sridhar:
Yes, I’ve noticed this several times. Doesn’t it feel great – half drained, half enthusiastic, but can keep going on… I like to be this way. Like Osho would say…

Raj:
OK Stop there.

Sridhar:
It’s very difficult talking with you…

Raj:
You’re one to say.

Sridhar:
So how’s your new AIWA?

Raj:
Yeah, I am loving it.

Sridhar:
Somehow I feel your powerhouse sounded better… May be because it covered your entire hall.

Raj:
I like the AIWA better. Just don’t have enough CD’s.

Sridhar:
Why don’t you buy?

Raj:
Yeah right. I’ll burn them at the nearby shop.

Sridhar:
Piracy?

Raj:
If you want to call it that…

Sridhar:
That’s how it is defined.

Raj:
Hey, each CD costs 350-400 Rs. And they bundle the movie I want with a crappy one. Considering production costs, retailer margins everything, I would assume that a CD should cost just Rs 50-75. Rest is profit. Don’t you think they’re taking us for a ride?

Sridhar:
OK, you have a point. But aren’t we setting a cycle here? We’re feeding market conditions and they feed our behavior. Who’ll stop?

Raj:
I don’t care… I don’t have enough money to buy CD’s now. What do you do?

Sridhar:
I normally save till I can buy one – reserved for Mottai’s songs. Otherwise get tapes only. But once you listen on CD’s, I am not able to go back to tapes. Don’t know what to do.

Raj:
Yeah… that’s the problem. The difference in sonic quality is too much…

Sridhar:
Funda?

Raj:
No da – read it in Audiophile (smiles proudly)

Sridhar:
Actually, I am very interested in audio engineering. Not finding enough resources… laziness is another.

Raj:
I am not that interested. Just for fundas may be, like you said…

Sridhar:
The two of us, there is no scope for anything long lasting…

Raj:
I hope that’s a joke – else it hurts da…

Sridhar:
No no, meant as joke only.

Raj:
Ha ha – got you!!

Sridhar:
(angry face) It hurts ME now…

Raj:
Sorry!!

Sridhar:
Ha ha – got you!!

(both of them laugh)

Raj:
OK, do you want to walk to Nungambakkam?

Sridhar:
No way… I need to go back home remember?

Raj:
Are you taking a bus?

Sridhar:
No, I want to walk!!

Raj:
Jesus…

Sridhar:
That’s ok, I am surprisingly not tired.

Raj:
Why don’t you come down till the train comes…

Sridhar:
Platform ticket?

Raj:
This time no one will check da…

Sridhar:
Hey, if I get caught, I don’t even have money. Sweet lime took most of it.

Raj:
Come down da…

Sridhar:
(nods)

Raj:
Chetpet is surprisingly quiet no?

Sridhar:
Yeah, most trains don’t stop here. Just the regular service. Dei, can you catch that one?

Raj:
I think soooo… OK bye da. I’ll call you once I get home…

(Raj is not too far for Sridhar to say bye, but he keeps watching him with a smile)

Note: Mottai – is Ilaiyaraja – as we used to call him fondly. BGM is BackGround Music.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Famine of the mind

Kathy was sitting with her friend Kate at the boarding gate for her flight, sipping her favorite white chocolate mocha.

"This mocha is a little too sweet for my liking..." she told Kate.

Not far away from her, the CNN news channel was showing a footage on the famine that had struck Niger.

Note: To see how you can help with the rehabilitation efforts from the Niger famine, see http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/07/29/niger.aidgroups/index.html
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